Public Display of Expression

Moved!

2006-08-10T02:58:00.000+08:00

Hello all who have stumbled onto my humble blog.
I have moved to curiouslyquirky.wordpress.com
Ciao!

Somebody's Home

2006-08-03T16:35:00.000+08:00

Somebody's Home

::what's playing:: Broken Toy - Keane::
::moodflash::

It has been a while innit? Since I raised my head to do a little typing here at this cyber home which is filled with cobwebs and what-nots due to a recent spate of inactivity. I'm actually trying to figure out just how I should proceed with moving in to a room that has probably an inch of dust covering every imaginable surface. Truth be told, one reason why I've put off collecting the key is simply because of the daunting task of cleaning I face ahead. It's times like this I wish I had a maid to *ahem* kindly help out with the cleaning. I'm not spoilt, just dirt-adverse. And there IS a difference.

Oh, I'm heading to Genting with the family and the boyfriend on Friday. And that would be the closest I get to a holiday. Sigh. But the eating should be good there so I'm not complaining much. However, I expect myself to be maxalon-ridden throughout the ride, which should keep me in a happy comatose for a while. Alas, the woes of being travel-intolerant.

How dreary can the weather be? It's wither blazing hot or thundering away with raindrops the size of maltesers (and bigger). I hope the weatherman decides to be more moderate in his temperement when deciding whether to give the world hailstorms of droughts. And I'm being so extreme I should probably stop.

And I think I should shake off this sense of randomness that cloaks me. It's not a bad thing, but I can't think straight.

[I'm such a couch potato I think I feel buds growing from me]

2006-05-18T11:37:00.000+08:00

Tippity-tap

what's playing::nothing but the sound of keyboards::
moodflash:: hum-drum

I should suppose that if I get caught I would be in a bit of a bind for slacking off during office hours. But the office is nice and quiet with most people not around and I'm pretty much taking advantage of that. Afterall, they'd be back in the afternoon and that's when I'll make up for my lack of productivity by calling more.
I'm in extraordinarily lazy mood now. More so than usual. Maybe it's the prospect of the weekend looming ahead that makes the weekdays (or what's left of it) far more bearable. But I'm probably not going to be doing much during the weekend anyway so I'm going to have to figure out what to make out of it.
Sometimes I think I lead the most boring life EVER and what's worse is that I'm way too lazy to do anything about it. So for now it's just stagnancy. But I can live with that. *wink*

One of the main office ladies is back. So much for slacking.
And theyakult is finally taking effect. I've never felt less constipated in my life.
Thank heavens for a fridge in the office.

I'm on the 4th day of the "1 Week Porridge Eating Lunch Plan" .
I shall persevere!
Haha.
And a dinner date tonight has me counting down the hours easier.
*heart*

[my eyesight deteoriates]

Marathon Nose

2006-05-10T20:50:00.000+08:00

Marathon Nose

what's playing::maybe I'm amazed - jem::
moodflash:: flu-ish

I can't believe this. I'm absent on the 2nd day of work. Oh what a way to place an impression of sorts. Oh, a positive one.

[blankblank]

Babysitting

2006-04-25T00:16:00.000+08:00

Babysitting

what's playing::train in vain - annie lennox::
moodflash:: peaceful

After spending the day hearing a cantankerous baby alternating between screeching blue murder and gurgling at me, I honestly think babysitting is a damn hard job. But one that's pretty worth it when the baby breaks into a toothless grin and gibbers baby talk at you in all earnestness. Even though I don't understand him. And even though he drools a whole lot and loves amusing himself with saliva. But adorable nevertheless.

Finished watching the entire season of Matantei Loki Ragnarok.

魔探偵ロキ　ＲＡＧＮＡＲＯＫ

Oooh... Uber cutie characters!!!

I think I'm such a fanatic over anime that it's silly. But I can't help it!

Anyways, the family dinner resulted in a nat with red sausage lips. Alright, figuratively. Went to Sammy's Curry Restaurant @ Dempsey Road for some good ol' Indian food. Was pretty sceptical when daddy said that it would be spicy. And after one mouthful, I wished I has listened more seriously before heaping a scoopful of curry gravy all over my briyani rice. Oh, the meals are served on banana leaves! As in, there're no individual plates. Rather, they lay banana leaved in front of you and then go around spooning heaps of briyani/white rice, cucumber, some yellow sauce, and curry gravy all over the banana leaves. So basically, I daresay they don't do much washing.

The HOT HOT HOT fish curry.

Ta-dah!!
Looks spicy no?

[chill-pill]

Home

2006-04-22T11:50:00.000+08:00

Home

what's playing::that's when i love you - aslyn::
moodflash:: good

Waking at up this time is such a luxury that I want to get used to. And the day seems so nice that it seems a waste to sleep it away. So up I am, fully anticipating the nonsense I can now do, all the anime I can watch, all the books I can read, all the web surfing I can do (subject to connection availability)... So on so forth. But the point is, I'm free.
And I still can't get over it.

It's been so so long since i had quality time with the boyfriend. Though dark clouds loomed ahead, I hoped it wouldn't rain the whole time I was there, and it didn't. Rain, gentle rain started falling when I got home and tucked myself into bed. And it was a good night.

Beautiful innit?
Now I really wish I've got a digital camera to play around with.

Random shots.

So cute!!
:P

This just goes to show that I truly am THE bigfeet.

[peace]

Mommy... It's OVER!!

2006-04-20T20:25:00.000+08:00

Mommy... It's OVER!!!

what's playing::cry - kym marsh::
moodflash:: relieved

Alright. Technically, the dreaded horror of exams have not blown over yet. There's still the 107 to go through before I can truly heave a sigh of relief. However, that doesn't stop me from experiencing pre-mature joy after completing 5 papers over the span on 4 days (save a day without any papers). While it may be too soon to yell and scream for pure unadulterated happiness seizing me by the scruff of the neck, I should think I can have a short respite of relaxation. Afterall, the practical side of me calmly and non-too-kindly indicates that I may not be so elated come June when the results are out. But for now, I shall rejoice and ignore the fact that I might not take too kindly to the shoddy results I would be receiving.

Funnily enough, I'm anticipating home.
Yes.
Despite the fact that I have never felt an attachment to it, perhaps because I took home for granted. But again, in all honestly, it was sheer selfishness and the desperate craving for the freedom to do anything I want to at anytime that made hostel staying so so appealing. And stayed in hostel I did, hardly returning except for the routine weekends and occasional lazy lapses where I return to my creature comforts. Or perhaps it was my stubborn nature that made me stay resolutely in hall. The examinations has resulted in a self-imposed period of stay in hall, shut up in the room to simply study. Desperately cramming all I could in this limited grey matter I possess.

More than 7 days shut up in a dreary room with grey walls and suspicious looking stains, inherited from previous inhabitants. With an even more dreary weather of heat, humidity, alternating with tumulteous storms reminding one of a Wuthering Heights environment. It was as if there was a need for divine punishment on this earthly world filled from one nook to another cranny with sin and injustice. As if there was a need to remind the earthly inhabitants just who was in charge, by sending bolts of lightning and crashing cymbals of thunder as the rain hurled down heavy and hard-handed. Maybe sometimes it's a reminder that in all our pursuits for that additional salary, that additional desire, that additional anything, there is a need, a pressing need to stop and ponder about what your life is all about. In the midst of the thunderstorm, all I could do was to stare at beating rain, imaging them one day as arrows of fire raining down when judgement calls. And all I would be able to do in the fact of such majestic terror is to fall on my knees and weep for the darkness of my soul. And fervently pray that maybe, He can find it in him to forgive one as hedonistic as I.

I never realised how close one could come to extreme breaking point, merely by being alone.
At least, physically.
I never really believed that a person could be on the verge of losing sanity just by being alone. While saying that I had experienced it would be rather far-fetched, I must admit that I can only humbly eat my words, or in this case, thoughts, about people being weak willed just because they could not tolerate the oppressing silence of your soul weighing down on you, pressing down relentlessly.
Am I making sense here?
I doubt.
How should I explain this, to myself?

It isn't the idea of being alone that gnaws away at you. In a room so small and bare to the point that the room itself looks ashamed at being so naked despite human habitation. Facing the same hated materials, and hating myself even more for having nothing. No courage, no gumption, no determination, no independence, nothing at all. Yet having to face the task of plodding on, on and on and on and on because I simply cannot give up. All the while my insides twisting with raw agony, resisting what the mind knows it needs to do. Oddly enough, I felt driven by primal desire. I reacted to my environment, wishing to be wild and lash back at the storms that punish me and punish me more. But I am tame and can only cower in the confines of 4 walls, pacing and pacing, round and round the cage that imprisons. Frustration building and I can only wonder how animals in zoos tolerate it. Tolerate their tameness when their basic nature is to be wild. Tolerate the indignities of being fed when their basic nature is to hunt. Tolerate their lack of freedom when their basic nature is to roam free.

I never liked being caged, yet I return.
I never liked being dependent, yet I return.
I never liked being forced to conform, yet I return.
I never liked being helpless, yet I return.
I never liked being homing, yet I return.
Whatever happens, wherever I go, whatever I do,
I return.
But would you take me back into your embrace?

[Maman once said that a man could get used to anything - L'etranger, Camus]

Screw It

2006-04-14T17:24:00.000+08:00

Screw It

It's been a fcuking unproductive day and I could do is to bounce off the walls in this stinking small god forsaken room in the freaking west.
Alone.
It pretty much keeps coming down to this.

I hate it that you're not around and I think you don't know that.

I hate the freaking cursed examinations because they turn me into a fcuking wuss who is so damn dependent.
Or maybe I already am.

Right now the world can explode and I really couldn't care less.
Selfish? Yes.
So what?

[hating everything]

Just For Laughs

2006-04-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

Just For Laughs

Thanks to a very lame friend.

It's an effective exam mugging respite.

[it's all about the paper chicken]

Overwhelming Brattiness

2006-04-13T22:43:00.000+08:00

Overwhelming Brattiness

what's playing::two less lonely people in the world - air supply::
moodflash:: resistant

Panic is slowly settiling in and making itself shown.
And when that happens, the childish, whiny, immature, nonsencical alter-ego emerges to claim it's right to be as bratty as possible during this exceedingly trying period.
I'm so so so so so resistant to mugging proper now, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.
I hate 103, and that makes it even more difficult to mug for.
And lit is beginning to sound like a bad idea.
In fact, it sounded like a nad idea since a month back.
104 has the potential to be screwed.
And 107 is a gone case.

I can't believe this.
I'm actually feeling stressed.

Sorry shu, for pang seh-ing you today.
Hope you somehow enjoyed the time otherwise spent dinnering with me.
We'll gather more after the nightmare period alright?
I kinda miss the talks and rants (esp on my part) we had.
Sigh.
Exams are an UNnecessary evil that spoil everything.

[holdmeholdmeholdme]

Morning World

2006-04-13T09:45:00.000+08:00

Morning World

what's playing:: like lovers do - heather nova::
moodflash:: clean

I can't believe I actually managed to force myself out of bed ar=t this time and take a shower. It's actually the morning. I haven't woken up in the morning for so long. And it's raining, making me feel like crawling beneath the blankets to catch a snooze. But I shall resist for a while.

I love bathing in hot hot water, and sometimes, hall irritated me because it does not have a steady, reliable source of hot water, even on days when it's freezing and especially in the late afternoons and even at night.
Sheesh.

[BLANKED-OUT}

Smack Me

2006-04-12T23:13:00.001+08:00

Smack Me

what's playing:: i'm a fool - american hi-fi::
moodflash:: DIGRESSING!!

I can't believe this.
I started to blog hop 5 mins after saying that I would start mugging cuz my freaking exams are on MONDAY for heaven's sake.
Came across char's blog.
And saw a quiz.
And driven by pointless curiosity yet knowing that I am wasting wasting wasting time.
Did it @ here

This is what it says.

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

[This is SO not true. Have you ever seen me flirt? No. Infact, how do you flirt?]

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

[ok, I WILL study. Later.]

1,2, Buckle My Shoe...

2006-04-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

1, 2, Buckle Me Shoe

what's playing:: one more for love - five for fighting::
moodflash:: random

It's been a relaxing day with no work done except for a written list of french adjectives regarding food, directions, furniture, materials and all other words deemed useful in French.
C'est facile.
The writing's easy peasy, now all I gotta do is simply to remember them.

On days like this, I love my life.
I really really do!!!
Except the exam bit, and the (lack of) cashflow bit.
I think shu said something like this before, where in my life right now (sans the exams) nothing seems to be going wrong.
I guess I agree.

I should be hitting the books soon.
*thwak*
So here goes.

If anyone knows any lobang for jobs, please do pass the good news on to me..
:D

[completed and contented]

Bounce

2006-04-10T22:57:00.000+08:00

Bounce

what's playing::it's your love - tim mcgraw & faith hill::
moodflash::hyperactive

Oh gawd.
I'm eating.
Again.
After a full full dinner, ice cream, now there's raisin bread to much through.

I hereby declare myself pig reincarnate.

The drink of the night is : MILO!!!
Because laine says it's a champion's drink.
So since I drink it I am a champion.

Yesterday was sugar cheese bread (6pieces!)
Today's raisin.
Ohno...
Seriously, I usually dislike bread but there's something about this kinda flavoured bread that I like. And this raisin bread has a lovely aroma of coffee which I love.

Hve to hit the books again. I hope I succeed!!

Oh... I think that fogging in the afternoon, when the heat is settling in and murkiness sinks, should NOT be allowed. It's supposed to kill the mozzies but I think they'll likk the humans (read: me) instead.
But since I am a champion, a little fogging poison won't kill me!
Now if only I can apply that same attitude to my work.

And I think being dependent on someone dependable is such a good feeling.
I should just stop worrying about being too dependent.
Like the boyfriend said after I voiced a niggling worry at my dependency.

A couple can always make the effort to see each other once a month.
Message each other no more than 5 smses each day.
But would it feel good?
Afterall, there's a reason why 2 individuals should decide to come together.

Not just in relationships I suppose, but also in friendships and kinship.
But it takes time to develop.
If that's the case I can't wait to develop it. For it would be so soothing to know that you can depend on someone and others can depend on you.
A teacher's reprimand really makes sense 6 years on.
No man is an island.
Pretty cliched, but true.

[lovey-dovey ]

Panic Personified

2006-04-09T23:23:00.000+08:00

Panic Personified

what's playing::beep - pussycat dolls::
moodflash::high

No.
I am not on drugs.
I'm merely about to go on a sugar/caffien high from drinking some really potent coffee.

Since I don't show much reaction to coffee in general, I'm thinking that it could be the massive amounts of sugar in it.
My toes curl each time I take a gulp due to the sugar molecules dancing a jig all the way down my stomach. And they continuing jiggling as they're absorbed into my blood.

Everytime i walk from school back to hall, I come across this.

And I swear that it's a conspiracy to make me walk off it thinking it's a staircase.
Maybe the nice school administration is just giving hapless students like a nudge towards stepping into the unknown.
And splatting unglamourously on the ground.
Especially with impending doom of exams.

Each time an exam comes around, I swear to myself that the next time I would start early and revise consistently throughout the term.
And each time I fail in doing so each time the new term rolls around.
And each time I kick myself for failing in doing so.
And then I proceed to solemnly promise to start revising early the next term.
And the cycle continues.

WHY?

To cut things short and get back to the distasteful and detestable 103, here's the lowdown.

I love chicken rice.
I love Sizzler's.
I love food.
I love my friends.
I love the boyfriend.
I love my mac.

And I think I MUST really start my mugging again.

Oh. And I just watched Miss Singapore Universe.
I think I'm fat after watching them.
And Jade Seah should have won.
The world is biased against flat (or flatter) chested women.

There's so much I want to do after the exams.
Yet I feel that there's nothing I can do.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm ambling through life.
With no direction.
With no purpose.

[my head is rebelling]

Exceptionally Boring Material

2006-03-29T00:11:00.000+08:00

Exceptionally Boring Material

what's playing::i love you - sarah mclachlan::
moodflash::reeling

After reading 27 pages about Indonesia's media system, I can resolutely declare that my mind needs a holiday and pronto.
As such, karekano lends much needed comic and entertainment relief.
God Bless Anime.
I don't know what's worse.
Not reading the textbook at all?
Or reading it only to find that I don't remember much of it?

Just watched an exceptionally inane "Date Movie" and it simply has to be the most pointless movie ever made. I mean, brainless flicks as fine,in fact, quite welcomed. But it gets worse when a brainless flick gets even more brainless. There's only so much lacking grey matter can do. "Dude, where's my car?!" is one perfect example of an ideal brainless flick.
Actually, the boyfriend and I were supposed to watch "The Hills Have Eyes". (Tossed a coin to make that decision)
And we happily went in with popcorn, coke, nachos, laptop, and 2 bags in tow between the both of us. After settling down, and sneaking out the dinner, and barely 10 minutes intoo the show, we decided that the show would be too much for our delicate stomachs to take. And so we walked out from cinema to cinema until we landed at the "Date Movie" showing.

I still want to watch "V for Vendetta" though. But sigh.

And God Bless the NTU STARS system which once more has given befuddled students like me who forgot the dateline to...
S/U FRENCH!!!!!
*dances a jig*
How good is that???
Now, if only the system would work a little faster cuz the dang page just won't load.

We find generosity in the most unexpected places.
Sometimes in comments said in passing, sometimes in determined voices beating the kind kind offer into your head.
(In a good way of course)
I am thankful and I am grateful.
So I should stop being such a whiny bitch and be gracious (right, laine, shu?)
So I shall try to be chirpy if I can but if I lapse at times, do forgive me and know that your friend is only human and that your friend would bitchslap herself for being such a bugger at times.
It's amazing how in less than a year, such a strong bond of friendship can be formed.
Despite flaws.
Despite mistakes.
Despite differences.

[suitcase of memories - time after time]

Lecture Fracture

2006-03-20T10:29:00.000+08:00

Lecture Fracture

what's playing::LCW's voice::
moodflash:: perky

The parents are finally back today after one week of basking in the sand sea and sun. Though I'm quite sure here in this little island we reside in, there's has been more than enough sun to go around these days.

moochmoochmoochmoochmooch

Sitting in 104 lecture now and mr lch just nicely told us that whatever he is going through today would not be necessary in the exams. Sigh. And the lazy skipping bugger-ess in me is quite loudly yellling at the obedient nata why she is sitting in the lecture. But oh well. He's giving back our assignment today so might as well.

Methinks am going to head home early todayy to peek in on the parents.
And methinks me gonna hafta start studying for the exams cuz it's up and coming.
How utterly irksome that these things seem to creep up on you and WHAM! it's here.
Now I'm trying to figure out if I should print out all the notes.

Ate at ThaiExpress yesterday and honestly, had one of the best days yet.
Sometimes I'm easily contented and all I can feel is contentedly happy.

Thank you dearie.

And that was not all.
There was one more plate of some seafood platter thing.
And I wonder why I'm gonna put on extra poundage.
But I love eating.

So cute right?
That crab still maintains it's whole shape!
And now... you... go... into... my... mouth...
*umph*
Yummy.

I shall go home and study today.
I will.
Pray for me people that I can have the gumption to do so.

[contented]

At it Again

2006-03-17T22:56:00.000+08:00

At It Again

What's playing::moi lolita - alizee::
moodflash::stagnant

Perfunctory.
I think that's a perfect word to describe my life.
And this strange queer feeling of wonder floods me when I think of how my life is running on empty.
And perhaps it's time to refuel.
But where?

Who are you?
You that sits in a corner of my mind probing and probing and probing.
You that asks and asks and asks.
All those questions I have no answer to.

Is it going to be too much effort to curb what seems to be raw energy of discontent and a myraid of negativity coursing through my viens?
I have no idea but maybe I should try and find out.
So if I try to turn into a less in sufferable person,
would I be a hypocrite?
Maybe that's a good thing too.

How odd.
I'm not unhappy but it does seem like I am huh.
But I assue you, I'm not.
Maybe I'm just assuring myself.

And there's obviously quite something wrong with msn.
Or the wireless I am stealing.
It's the latter isn't it?
Retribution for being a technological thief

I want to talk and I don't know what to talk about.

[how curiously pathetic]

Ramblings

2006-03-17T16:45:00.000+08:00

Ramblings

what's playing::dance with me tonight - the wonders::
moodflash:: lazy

The Sea, he calls.
Rising up slowly, waves part and falls.
His hair, long and flowing
Of white foam and beads of pearls.
His deep green eyes gently reflecting
The desire in your smile.
His hands reach out towards you
Calling for embrace.
To hold you in his bosom
To sooth you with his grace.

His children, the winds, herald your coming
With a procession of breeze.
Music chiming in the air,
the sweet sound fills your ears.

You take one step , your eyes, full of him
A lightness overcomes as slowly you sink
Through the air towards his embrace
Of love where there is no more pain
Or fear or cutting ache eating at you
Because you, you are at peace.
A piercing scream from behind
But you, you are at peace.
The wailing sirens from beyond,
But you, you are at peace.
Flashing lights and alien sounds of machinery
But you, you are at peace.

But now, a jerk, a jerk, a jerk
Tugging, wrenching, pulling and pulling
And you look at the Sea in confusion
As you're gradually seperated from him
"My love, don't leave me!"
His cries fill your mind.
As you are cruelly yanked out, brutally torn apart.
And you, you have no peace.
Cries of joy around you.
And you, you have no peace.
"He's saved He's saved!"
And you, you have no peace.
A soft touch to your head as if annointing you
And you, you have no peace.

"WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME AWAY FROM MY HOME?!?!"
You awake infinitely in life.
The Sea weeps, weeps.

[and dust falls from my grasp, like time]

Quotidant

2006-03-16T17:44:00.000+08:00

Quotidant

what's playing::your number - tegan and sara::
moodflash:: restless

Thought I could go out, sadly not.
Argh! I feel so damn restless!
After a pitiful amoubt of sleep last night, I think I've paid back my sleep debt.
*yawn*
It was an interesting night out at my place with the girls where we stuffed ourselves full with teochew porridge first then PRATA!! And more prata. And more prata. Even durian flavoured ones which turned out surprisingly nice...
After a night of gluttony and unglamness displayed by all, I declare it, a fruitful night.

I swear I felt so much heavier after that dinner cum supper.

[moooooooooooccccccccchhhhhhh]

2006-03-11T23:41:00.000+08:00

Oh Happy Day!

what's playing::i do - better than ezra::
moodflash:: happy

Was waiting afor the boyfriend today when I realised that the warning sign on the MRT platform basically reads that if you cross the yellow line before the train has come to a complete stop, you are guilty of a crime and hence be persecuted and fined S$500.

How wierd! I mean, there are people violating this yellow line rule all the time and I don't think they really get fined? I mean, try stationing a MRT personnel on the tracks on a weekend and see how many times this rule is being violated. In fact, I should think the MRT personnel would be run over by the stampede of people rushing in to get a seat or place on the MRT, potential-fine or no. Absurd.

And just a random shot as I waited. I wonder how many people wait and wait and wait on MRT platforms. I mean, I think half of our life is spent waiting. For the right time. For the right one. For the right opportunity. For the right everything.

I think I should just crash and burn on the bed soon.
I'm so so so tired.
But so so so happy.
Haha!!!
Really dug today's date cuz its been soooooo long since the last date.
:D
Been cooped up in the West for too long.
And I'm gonna get a new ipod mini cuz apparantly the old one's hard disc crashed!! Heheheh...
Maybe after getting it back I can upgrade it for a new iPod video or summat.
We'll see how deep the pocket goes..
Pity can't change the color to pink though...

Dinnered at Din Tai Fung and the xiao long bao simply ROCKS man!!

Nice hor? I wish I have a digicam... And I wish I knew how to use photoshop nicely... :D

(i look so buay song..)

[i love you]

Whine!

2006-03-10T21:39:00.000+08:00

Whine

what's playing::if you were mine - bed and breakfast::
moodflash:: achy but satisfied

I feel really satisfied now that I'm completed with my term paper. What an evil thing that was. Well, to be honest, I overwrite again (!!) but that's not what I'm cranky about. I HATE APA REFERENCING!!!!! That is really evil. I mean, who the hell really botheres with the referncing and whether it's in alphabetical order? So anal retentive I swear. Anyway, I've been sitting on this uncomfortable uncomfortable chair all afternoon and the eveniing tippity tappity awaying at my laptop drumming out a 10 page essay. I swear, when I started, I thought 10 pages was too much, but as i started rambling, 10 pages seemed too little. Similiarly for the 104 report. Poor sheere had to whittle my 5 page essay to 4 pages. Sigh. But oh wells, I feel damn happy that I've been hardworking for this 2 days cause now I can go play and do all the shite I want without becoming frantic one day before the report is due. The only evil thing left is the distasteful 107 report.
But... aren't you surprised? Esp shu and laine...
I actually didn't procrastinate! I actually finished my work before it's due date! And even I'm surprised myself.
But just let me gloat and smirk...
I think I really deserve praise and compliments for finishing my work before its due.
So... Let me haolian a little...

I think I'm still gonna teach tomorrow while my parents fly off to the sunny islands. Sigh. One week by myself. But again I'm almost always by myself anyway so I guess there's no difference. But there is! When they're home, at least I know they are home, even if I am in hall. When they are overseas, I know they are not.

Let me whine.
After the whole 2 days of work, I think my body is revolting. (As in rebelling, not that it is disgusting!!) My whole body hurts, the dinner feels like it's sitting in my tummy undigested, my head hurts hurts hurts, my neck hurts.
I need a hug.
I need many hugs.
And I need them now.
At least I get to see you tmr..

and my brother likes to watch bleach. -_-''

[oompa loompas in my head]

Tak-Glam

2006-03-10T01:07:00.000+08:00

Tak-Glam

what's playing::stranded - plumb::
moodflash:: weak

It's been a long week.
And I'm totally elated that my term presentation is over. Now all I have to do to wrap things up is to rustle up a term paper of 10 pages by next Wed. Given my propensity for being long winded, I'm not so sure 10 pages is sufficient. I still can't get it. I manages to come up with 5 pages of content for a section that was supposed to be squeezed into 3 or at most 4 pages. I think I'm a genius at this. SOME TALENT.

I have not idea what to make out of this week so far. Things don't seem to work well for me for some obscure reason. Oh no no, I'm not going to be all angsty. You see, for some wierd reason, my iPod decided to throw a hissy fit. So now it's throwing a tantrum and showing me a sad sad face.

And that makes me sad because... I think it agonizingly painful to sit through long busrides sans music and my tryusty (up till now) iPod. I think shu agrees with me ,with the overload of busrides sshe has to endure.

And my body isn't too well in the technical department either. I think I somehow freaked lainey out today. Sorry babe. And thank-you lots lots lots. But it was sooo unglam!!! Ugh. This body needs fixing.

The only good thing that came out of its malfunctioning is that I didn't have to sit for my French test. And boy am I sore that I forgot to S/U it. Dang.

I seriously need a rearrangement of the brain in the priorities and responsibilities department. Just mentioning these 2 words is making me buckle under the strain.. Aak... I..A.m.....s...q.uash..ed...... *splat* But seriously. There are plastic surgeons who can do wonders to your body and rearrange your face and body, why can't there be a medical discipline dedicated to rearrangement of the brain? Maybe there IS such a medical discipline. And it's called the Mind. But it's skill in doing what it should varies and is limited depending on the person to whom it belongs. Maybe that's why rearrangement of my brain doesn't work out in the correct way. In fact it reverses. And rather speedily in fact. Like a maniac on the freeway.
but . Sigh.

I won't be able to go for the next class gathering again. :[
Oh well, such is the clashes of time where when something happens, it happens all at once, but when there's nothing, there is really nothing.

.
.
.
.
.

RandomShots . . . . . by nat.

[wishing you were here]

Digression

2006-03-05T01:42:00.000+08:00

Digression

what's playing::i love you always forever - donna lewis::
moodflash:: tired yet perky

I think it's the after effects of having a shower at night. Though I'm dead tired I'm kinda refreshed after the shower. After washing away all the grim from me I feel happily clean. Yes, I do like to bath sometimes you know. You got a problem with that? I really should look through my presentation slides and decide what to put in it. I can't believe it. I actually got my lazy fat ass down to starting on it... I know you who are reading this would be falling off your plush chairs (or whatever) right now. I mean, Nata the procrastinator (No.1!!!) actually starting on her slides now? Yes yes, I'm getting into the kancheong mode. And I'm starting to think that being a chao mugger wouldn't be a bad idea. However, I would rather be a sweet smelling one.

Just came back a good 45 mins or so ago from the boyfriend's cousin's wedding thangshmang at Pasir Ris. And on the way back, I spotted this lady at the windows at this particular HDB block. I initially thought that she was just moving around (it is quite late after all) when I suddenly realised she carried a ladder to the window and proceeded to... clean. After midnight. No grills, just open window and clean. I was like, huh?? And hence I had virgin experience of seeing a (common?) form of maid abuse. And while I'm largely apathetic towards the plight of maids and what-not here, I don't really think I can agree with the idea of making a maid clean windows after midnight when you live a good couple of stories up and falling to the grond level would make a resounding splat and magnificant mess resembling pop-art.

Spent the bulk of the day at Pasir Ris.
Ultimately came away feeling tired and inexplicable peaceful.
And desiring to learn how to swim.

And I can't believe I still haven't finished up the present.
And I think I should look over my slides now.

[marriage - how romantic, how messy, how realistic]

I'm a Bee

2006-03-02T15:38:00.001+08:00

I'm a Bee

what's playing::would I lie to you baby - charles and eddie::
moodflash:: tired

Nat feels really drained drained drained now. And the most appaling thing about that is that nat has been sleeping quite a bit lately. Sleep late wake up late. (And lecturers become non-existant) And yet she is drained and doesn't know why.
Maybe it's the piling up of workload. Poor girl! After bringing the art of procrastination to a whole new height she now feels as if she would crash soon on the ground. And she is not looking forward to it as it would be very painful. Can you imagine all the gore splattered all over the place with peices of meat and blood and what-not fluids lying where they are not supposed to be? Nat cannot imagine that scene and neither does she want to. So with all the work coming up fast and furious, what is she doing online, and blogging no less? Oh the horrors. Will our girl never learn her lesson? Stay tuned to find out in... THE WOES OF NAT.

Damage list
Literature PC essay
103 Presentation
104 Project
105 Sampling plan
Le essais francais

All by next week.
Nata, we have a problem.

Anyone has ideas on how to do a presentation on the censorship framework of singapore focusing on entertainment?

Sigh.

Yet, je suis fatigue.

Grrrr... I shall persevere!! And get it over and done with. nce the next week is over I would be more relieved. Talk about a hell week. And the biggest headache of all is that of the 103. If only I could just figure out how exactly to spproach and how to start, I wouldn't have so much of a problem.

And the boyfriend is sick. Sigh. Hope you really really bounce back to health soon. I'm worried.

[workworkworkworkwork]

Return Of The Randomness

2006-02-23T21:27:00.000+08:00

Return Of The Randomness

what's playing:: the sound of blood rushing to my head
moodflash:: irritated

There's just something to be said about the little green monster that erupts in me every now and then like a low level volcano. I mean, it happens to everyone right? Walking down the street, a girl could see another of the female species with more *ahem* endowed features in the front and turn lime green with envy. Likewise, a male may also see another of the male species with more *ahem* endowed features in the font and similarly go green with envy. Now, I'm talking about pecs here, PECS, what were you thinking of?! In anycase, I hereby put forth a plea for anyone, anyone at all, to please tell me why people engaging in the *ahem* alternative trade, simply do not want to cater to the lovely people who use macs. Which results in me frantically looking for games that are compatible with my beloved Ibook which wouldn't cost me, a non-avid gamer, an arm and a leg, and with toenails included.

And I don't exactly appreciate being asked to go off a network with the indirect insinuation that mu usage of the network is making you lag. Especially when it has something to do with gaming.

I'm just jealous.

[what, you blaming me now?]

Occasional Nonsense

2006-02-20T01:25:00.001+08:00

Occasional Nonsense

what's playing::out of my mind - james blunt::
moodflash::awake

It's been a long week.
And in a flash it's over yet, it was long and agonisingly draggy while it lasted.

Time, my old man, you have such perverse pleasures.
Are you finally tiring of watching insignificant us pass by you
As you see us begin and watch us end?
And with a smirk you watch, ever as a voyeur,
As we scurry around mourning the lack or surplus of you,
As we never know that you are quietly watching from behind.

Time, dear old fellow, you wear such a sad face.
Are you finally rejoicing that your term would soon pass you by
As you see the end and watch us begin?
And with tears in your eyes you watch, ever in sorrow,
As we discover what it is we are looking for as the end nears,
As we never know what is coming on ahead?

Time, sweet sweet partner, you have such a patient disposition.
Are you finally at ease with yourself as you see us fade
As you see us through and walk our path?
And with a gentle touch guide us through sorrow and joy,
As we endure the burdens we bear upon our shoulders,
As we never know your presence beside us?

Time, dear young man, you have such painful features.
Are you finally regretting watching insignificant us pass by you
As you see us end and never to begin?
And with regret you watch, ever the parting lover,
As we scurry around to our ends and ignoring the beauty of now
As we never know what we have left behind?

And Time, you weep as all that is becomes once was.
And You remain, infinitely isolated as always, watchful,
Though it brings you pain.

We shine, we complain, we whinge about the lack of time or the surplus of it.
And yet we don't seem to realise that in the greater scope and scheme of things, what we feel is insignificant.
And Time inexonarably turns and turns and yet another new day comes.
It doesn't wash away the hurt or excitement of the past days, but it brings new experiences. And for better or for worst, we move on surely to the end.
And if I could have all the time in the world, what would I do with it?

La Saint-Valentin is over and while I still feel ripped off by the dinner (and guilty as it was the boyfriend's treat but my recommendation..) it was rather much the sweetest thing. This week has been a continuous whilwind of a ride filled with my ups and my downs. But isn't life like that? So I shouldn't complain. Too much.

But a certain mention is a must where a crazy bunch of laine, shu and I decided that suppering was THE way to go. Which resulted in an eventful night/morning of talking nineteen to the dozen. Which culminated in a final walking back to laine's hall at the wee hours of the morning and catching the first back to hall at 6 plus in the morning. Conversation drives life and without conversation, life could be (imo) like champagne without the fizz, flavour and sparkle. Drinkable, but without the oomph that drives it. So 5 hour plus long conversations are good especially with good food.

Didn't go for char's play, but apparantly it was a great success so kudos to her hard work which paid off. Girls girls girls, I think we should meet up soon, no? :) Term break has arrived, so perhaps its an opportunity?

I'm being so utterly random now that I have no idea which ways my thoughts are supposed to flow. Alright, they're supposed to flow in the direction of my 103 textbook in front of me, but it's for some strange reason, diverting itself away from the book. I daresay it's a natural barrier coming up. A barrier of laziness. I'm afflicted. I'll end with the images that sum up my week.

Lately I've been too talkative, chatty, whiny, wilful and childish than usual.
How do people stand me?
How do you stand me?
Maybe you don't.
I don't too.
So you've got company.

James Blunt has a world tour 2006 coming up. And he's bypassing Singapore (obviously). I wish I could could whizz to Japan in April to watch him in concert. And you now know why they say "if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride."

The sweetest thingI believe I could melt and melt I did.

Pretty right? After a change of clothes *ahemahem* there's always a transformation.

Do we really look alike? She's way prettier, not to mention, with way more attitude then I could ever have. Alright shu, laine, I know what you guys are gonna say.. Shhh...

Anyway, I can't stand it man, why are my friends so pretty?
But I should be happy I have pretty friends.
*smirk*

The talkativity reaches a whole new level and so did that of our unhealthiness.
But banana prata rocks!!
And we discover a whole new insight into shu's private side! *gasp*

[the mundanity of life - so typical]

Opinions Anyone?

2006-02-16T19:13:00.000+08:00

Opinions Anyone?

Saw this on jesc's blog and found it really interesting...
Something to do with what you think of yourself and what others think of you and whether it corresponds..
I don't know who would respond, but if you have time to... go ahead!
And fill in both Positive and Negative aspects of this girl called nat.
;)
The Positive
link : http://kevan.org/johari?name=natalynn
The Negative
link : http://kevan.org/nohari?name=natalynn

Emptiness

2006-02-09T01:10:00.000+08:00

Emptiness

what's playing::stop crying your eyes out - oasis::
moodflash::sad

Je suis fatigué.
Je suis fatigué de la vie.
je lis le blog de shu et je veuz pleurer.
Je veux savoir,suis j'important?
C'est drôle.
Même lorsque j'ecrire en anglaise, la langue dont je suis familier, je n'étais jamais ce certain.
je n'aime pas me sentir si non désiré.
Et je n'aime pas me sentir si fâché avec vous.
Je n'aime pas me sentir comme si vous êtes obligé à moi.
Ce ne se sent pas bon.
Et il me rend triste.
Est-ce que je demande beaucoup?
Êtes-vous heureux?
Est-ce que je vous rends heureux?
Oú vous me trouvez ennuyeux?
Quand nous partie comme le ce,mon coeur se casse.

I'm in no mood now to continue studying for 105.
It does seem pointless to do this last minuit mugging marathon.
It's all so pointless.

[I don't want to care, but I do. Do you?]

A Little Fall Of Rain

2006-02-06T00:30:00.000+08:00

A Little Fall Of Rain

what's playing::from this moment - shania twain::
moodflash:: contemplative

You know it's the chinese new year season when your waistline starts to expand and your diet largely comprises of fat-laden sweet pastries the likes of pineapple tarts, almond cookies, sugee cashews, prawn biscuits and the list goes on. I realise that it's not that these tasty treats don't appear throughout the year, it's just that they appear so much in abundance during the cny season that they become synonymous with CNY and with the tipping of the weighing scale to the right.

This semester is going past faster than I would like it to. And I'm slowly coming to the realisation that there is actually quite a bit of work to be done and the bad news is that I've barely made a dent on that heap of work. And I really should start soon. Problem is, I just can't get down to it. Now I don't need nobody telling me that's such a lame-ass excuse that I should get my ass whipped for coming up with it. I'm quite well aware of it myself. I'm just whining a little about my disgust at myself for lacking a quality called drive. And I do know the answers to curing the problem of a piling workload, I really do. Just get down to it like it ir not. Or else. Funny innit? Sometimes you do know what it is you are supposed to do to rectify a problem or damage control. But you just hae the urge to complain and (especially in my case) exagerrate about it. Not so much for advice, but more to just talk about it and (I must admit though I'm not to proud of it) to grab a little desired attention to oneself. How pathetic. But for me, I'm only human.

Though sometimes I do earnestly wish I am not. If I wasn't human, I would be free of the shackles that bind me down and chain me to emotions that more often than not lead to pain. It's just a matter of, to what degree that pain would be. Sometimes I'm filled with such an apathy for the life I do lead and simply life in general, that it's almost as if I'm looking at my situations, myself, and the drugery of life with a strange distance. And the fact that most things don't matter just crashes down on me. Its a bit of a hopeless feeling but as always, it will pass, either through sheer supression or by denying that feeling. It does work doesn't it? This tactic of denial. Cause I somehow think that if you deny things strongly enough, they do go away, not physically though. They just stop meaning too much to you.

But yet despite all the bleakness that does threaten to crowd in at times, there are some stuff that's worth your placing meaning to. And for these things I'm truly grateful. Its funny. It's people that make you lose faith and hope in yourself, yet it's also people that restore a little faith and give you reason to hope. And life just goes on inevitably while people make and face their daily struggles with themselves as hope and hopelessness tug at them. And life watches the balance, and watches which side would be the first to give.

I do wonder about this. One may see each other so often bit yet it doesn't always seem enough. Why is that so?
I sometimes fear it's a signal of overdependency and attachment. Is that a wrong thing?

Digression. I'm quite madly into this anime BLEACH. Whoa man. It really reminds me of Yu Yu Hakusho and dang do I love that anime. And I'm actually quite interested in Hunter X Hunter, but no idea where to get it... BOO.. But whatever it is, I'm so glad my com can now read videos in .avi format. Rather, I'm so glad there are softwares available for me to convert .avi files so I can watch BLEACH in peace all thanks to my dear. :D *smirk*

Missed the class gathering at Alvin's place on 3rd day of CNY. Sorry guys, but hope there'll be a gathering that I'll turn up for soon.

My dear pick n mix...
--> Sometimes I think I'm such a major pain in the arse that I cringe at the occasional (alright, not so occasional) attitude I fling about me. And I really marvel at you guys sticking around me. And am grateful for how you babes are there to inflate me a little and pick me up when I feel small. It may be barely a year with you babes, but sometimes, a feeling of being genuinely appreciated and accepted somehow transcends time. And for all the soulful sessions that we have, I can only be thankful. *oh no, sounds so sappy - it's that time of the night lah *

[sometimes you're all I need to make my life alright]

Swellings and Skippings

2006-01-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

Swellings and Skippings

what's playing::i dreamed a dream - fantine (les miserables)::
moodflash::chirpy

Been pigging out majorly of late. Alright, I pig out almost everytime I'm in hall. Ok. I pig out virtually all the time hall or home. There - I admitted it!

Lunch can comprise of this...

And after a pretty heavy dinner, desert comprises of this...

And then after that, this...

Which was what left me with eyes a-swollen and nose a-running.

I only ate 3 for heaven's sake and the eyes swelled, leaving me with a frightful mug.
(I scared myself more than usual when I saw my face in the morning - and that's saying something.)
And after pumping myself with the recommended dose of the supposed potent drug, the predicted sleepiness promptly kicked in, leaving me bed-ridden for the bulk of the day. Save 2 hours in the day in which I showered and brunched, the rest of the day was spent concussed, with my drugged mind visiting scenes and scenes of various dreamscapes, sucking me in deeper and deeper. Some pleasant some not so, some a whole lot brighter than reality, some a whole lot bleaker than reality, some with people I know, some with people I don't know.

Sometimes I tend to think that the boundaries between the 2 spheres of dreamworld and reality is so blurred that it's hard to distinguish in your semi-conscious state what's real and what isn't. And it makes me think that the reason why I would think that way is because I want the idealism and perfect-ness of a dreamscape I dwell in. Maybe that arises when I'm feeling discontented - virtually all the time.

After all, (and here I speak for myself), it's the insatiable factor in me (us?) that leaves a lil corner that can never be cemented.

Though I do hope that one day some swell contractor can come along with shovel bucket and cement and doggedly fill that corner for me. As cliched as it may sound, it sometimes feels that the contractor/s have come along but I cannot help but feel that a deluge of rain would come along and create a mudslide, undoing all that the contractor/s have done and leaving an even more gaping corner, starkly void and daunting especially in comparison to the smaller corner before the deluge. See what hope does to you? While it makes you happy and for once, filled with good feeling about your life, when things fall short, the "thump" with which you hit the ground is resoundingly loud ,and not to mention, painful.
(Can you imagine falling on your arse from 100 storeys?)

I'm seriously considering dropping French L2, but yet I feel that I shouldn't give up now so soon into the semester especially ater having gone for 2 lessons already. Just that sometimes I don't see the point in slogging for something that I may not do well enough in. The opportunity cost (econs!!!) is quite high in this case. Perhaps it isn't wise to take a subject that I'm interested in but not good in?

Had this marvellous sleepover at Shuyun's place last thursday and that was by far the most enlightening bonding session I had with the babes. And to be succint about it (as if I could ever really be succint being the long-winded baffoon that I am), it filled me with appreciation with the little things that I hold in the heat of my palm. It may not be a heck of a lot, but it's quality to me and worthy of thanks.
Thankew babes... You girls kinda changed my worldview in your own ways..

And to One (if you do read this):
I may not be a total angel at times and I swear I feel horns and tail growing out of me at times when I turn into a totally irrational unreasonable bad-tempered spoilt irritating brat. So I'm glad that you stick around, whether I'm wearing halo or horns. Some things have no value on them simply because to put a price/value on them would be an insult since the stated value/price would always fall short of the real value. And all I can do is to offer my paltry feeble thanks in return for something overwhelming. Love you.

[love - mystifying]

Little Things

2006-01-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

Little Things

what's playing::my number - tegan & sarah::
moodflash::happy

I'm feeling so utterly random and rather happy now (though a tad cold) in my room. Am really supposed to start to revise a little and at least complete the readings due and backdated. And am really supposed to start revising a lil french so I don't feel like an utter complete fool tomorrow during the first french lesson of the year. Though I think that isn't exactly going to work out. But one can always hope right?

But in a flash (they come at sudden spurts) of inspired randomness I decided to put up som inanely pointless pictures that i take every now and then.

Can you imagine? I'm reallu assuming that the owners of the cars are undergraduates since I really cannot imagine middle aged lecturers who probably teach the most boring of engin modules zipping around in these cars. Why do some people have all the luck?

And on the topic of cars, I seriously think that if I learn to drive, the probability of this hapenning is rather high.

Fellow potential future road users beware.
Maybe I should stick to being driven around.
And people like shuyun, laine and my dear who are gunning for driving lienses should hence take the obvious hint and be ready at my call. =D Right right??

I never knew that hall4 has only one stall in their canteen. Yes. One. And you order everything drinks and all from there. Talk about a monopoly. But the black pepper horfun I ordered was really quite good! Just a little oily.
Look!!

And they actually serve on heavy heavy glass plates. A very VERY refreshing change from the usual styrofoam plates and bowls that the other canteens favour. It kinda reminds of those army scenarios when army men are given slops on disposable plates and they march off to squat somewhere to finish theor food in record time. But I digress. I think I'm "hiam-ing" but there's just something aesthetically unpleasing about sturofoam/plastic plates bowls and what-nots.

This semester I can't be the academic pirate I want to be.

So many books!

So thick!!

And worse...

So many many many words in all of them in minute writing!!!

Alright I guess what I have now is probably less than what an engin student would be having.
But still!!

.
.
.
.
.

Ok i'm just a tad lazy...

Anyway, found this rather interesting game online. The online version of Risk , some world domination board game.

This hapenned quite alot. In fact, almost all the time. What can I say? He's a champion dominator. (And he's up against a lousy opponent of both me and the computer. HAHA. Just kidding.)

And that is best illustrated through this...

...where the black slots are the land he managed to conquer.

*bows*

But I can be contented with this...

...though the game wasn't played by me... =D

Enough randomness?

Oh...
And Laine made this "priceless" quote today during lunch.
"We are interested in everything but we've not started on anything."
How true.
We'll change that, girls!!!!

[little things perk you up]

And Again

2006-01-10T00:46:00.000+08:00

And Again

what's playing::everytime i look at you - il divo::
moodflash:: sleepy

When one has a hectic day from 0830-1830 , comprising of 4 lectures and a tutorial, it's little wonder that one is drained at the end of it all. Which makes it understandable when the said one rolls her eyes (and in shuyun's words) doesn't know whether to laugh or cry when she sees the opening statement of the first lecture's powerpoint presentation. "Are you ready to ride the BMW" or something along the line. Well, it did have the unfunny pun of BMW which seems to be all that I remember of the lecture. Talk about a typical "duh" punchline. If it is even a punchline at all. Well.

When dear shuyun took my lappie during lecture this morning, I thought she merely wanted to surf the net to relieve herself of the immense boredom sinking down on us all as the lecturer droned on on the superficialities *oops* overview of IMCs. (Which I discovered much later on meant Integrated Marketing Communication or summat like that.)

A digression.
What kind of lecturer goes on straight into a lecture filled with "industry jargons" expecting the students to know exactly what he is talking about and the slang he uses. Similarly. What kind of students would start copying blindly while listening and trying to make sense of the lecture without catching the jargon/slang and understanding what he was talking about? Well you'd be surprised.

As I mentioned, we started sinking into a kind of stupor. Laine started entertaining with her holiday pictures (all that food!!!!) and i thought my lappie would sufficiently amuse shuyun. When I saw her tyoing stuff into my dashboard notepad. And the final result was priceless enough for me to want to go into a long winded ramble about how the situation came about.

But before I copy that lil piece, this was what was amusing enough to illicit a amusing response.

"Things to get for me (now/eventually)

- contact lenses
- CNY clothes
- bags
- lappie case
- containers"

And the continuation from dear shuyun:

Quote :

"How to get above said items
- save money (which wont happen)
- dont spend too much on junk food nor yakult (also impossible)
- hence, rob band (pref not ocbc NTU as reputation will suffer greatly)
- find rich sugar daddy with cherry on top
- hope WC gets rich, or robs bank for me instead
- after getting cold, hard cash, shop with the girls
- must especially treat elaine, jessie, cindy and shuyun to good stuff as they will be my soulmates for the next 4 years
- for any remaining cash, bank into personal bank (bt not the one tt was robbed)
- anticipate gd interest rates
- live happily ever after"

For some reason, it makes me highly amused.
It's just so ... random?
That's why I like it lah.

In any case, went for the first lit lecture and tute today with the said dear random shuyun, no less, and dare I say, it was totally overwhelminglly stimulating. And that, to my mind, is exactly how a literature lesson whould be conducted. Kinda reminds me of John Smith, except that I did NOT fall asleep. Mwahahahaha!!! See? I'm reformed.

Should really go sleep now before I spout anymore nonsense.

[joy to the world for its a holiday on the morrow]

Studies Paralysis

2006-01-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

Studies Paralysis

what's playing::lian ai-ing - mayday::
moodflash:: cramming

One week into semester 2 and i realise that i've gotta start to study. Not through any need of revision yet. Rather, due to my last minute discovery of my having to finish reading a "short story" by 090106 (today!!) at 1000 last night (just 2 hours ago). So this led to a frantic scramble for a hardcopy version of the reading. Thankfully a friend in hall has a printer ( thankew savior!) and that was when I realised that there were all 16 pages of a short story. 16 pages where got short?!?!?! Thus marks my first scramble of the year. Having actually finished reading the said piece of torture *oops* homework, I realise that I don't really get the story in its entirety. *sigh* I'm wondering of this lit thing was such a good idea afterall.

It's been raining incessantly and I'm wondering just what the heck is wrong with the weather of late.
Doesn't it know that walking to sch (or rushing, to be honest) in the rain isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world?
Stop raining already!!
Or if you must shed some serious heavyduty tears, please do so at night only so I can get a damn good sleep.
But not in the early hours of the morning, otherwise I wouldn't feel like going for lectures and tutorials which STILL start at an unearthly hour in the morning of 0830 or 0900 hrs.

I'm trying to decide which jeans to get from Levi's.
Pauline "skinny" square-cut jeans?
Or
Patty-Anne "slim" square-cut jeans?
Former is tighter than latter and is more snug, like pulling on a comfortable second skin.
Latter is more casual and isn't that tight.
How?
I really can't decide!!
Kind readers of mine if any at all, please advice!!
:D

I should really pack and sleep soon.

Today has been a happy day (even with the mad rush of readings) and nat's at peace with the world.

Night world.

[studies make your brains rot. just kidding ;) ]

Bleakness

2005-12-17T18:47:00.000+08:00

Bleakness

what's playing::if you didn't love me - corrinne may::
moodflash:: desolate

December is supposed to be a month of joy. A month of songs, merriness, and an overall shower of all things good. A month where smiles are aplenty while tears and frowns lurk away in a corner forbidden to emerge in light of sunshine and goodness.

And how wrong I was to think so.

What once made me anticipated and excited now seems to pull me down to depths of apathy. The once uplifting christmas carols have now merged with the sounds of the crowd and people accosting you as you walk down a stretch of road to win you over to their cause. Distorting sounds fill the air and ring in your ears - an incessant cacophony that drives you away to flee deep deep within yourself.

The grinch of Christmas I have not become but as days pass the Christmas spirit loses its positivity and happy connotations.

It's not totally my fault that my mood is easily influenced by others.
And it does seem that nothing good seems to happen of late, not just to me, but to others around.
And I can't help but look at myself and my situations in a whole new fearful apprehensive light.
And when you don't seem to be able to help, frustrations bundle up and morph into aggravation threatening to rip what I have apart. And it seems like an ironic self-fulfilling prophesy that happens so swiftly on the wings of change that I am left there standing, gaping.

I'm seriously starting to hate christmas shopping. It's starting to seem like a necessary evil to me and I do full well know that that's not exactly fitting in with the "spirit of giving" I am supposed to be filled with. I have no idea what to get and this is fully compounded by the fact that I do not have the financial means to get what I want. And I feel submerged by darkness as I realise that I can't buy what my material heart desires. I'm starting to dislike shopping. With a fervour that shocks and burns me.

And I'm starting to wonder about this. When two people come together as one, does one lose a part of themself that they can never find again?

And I hate feeling dependent. But I am. Do you know that? Do you??

[love me]

Of Apples And Chocolates

2005-11-29T23:30:00.000+08:00

Of Apples And Chocolates

what's playing::sunshine - keane::
moodflash:: previously random now effing irritated

First up.
This section id PG-rated. (Some expletives)
I just spent a fcuking half an hour typing a long nice post out.
And because of the fcuking computer which is malfunctioning like fcuk, I have to re-type fcuking everything and reproduce the original.
Which is no longer a bloody original anymore cuz of the fcuking computer.

And now in an attempt to be more ladylike.

Parents and bro are back bringing back lots of goodies!!

Chocolate...
Jams...
Honey...
Accessories...
And did I mention Chocolate?

My eyes lit up when I saw that.
One whole boxful of it!!
Packets and packets of different kinds and shapes of chocolates!!!
While my tummy growled in anticipation, my heart withered at the realistic expectation of the weighing scales tipping right. An expectation which is rather appropriate given that I bloody gained 2kg in a week.
One bloody week.
Smack me please.
-slaps-
And chocolate doesn't help.
-feeling distinctly pudgy-
And after the trauma of the weighing scales, what else did I do but promptly pop some of that alluring chocolate treats into my mouth.
My favourite is currently the one with honey in its centre, which oozes out and fills your mouth as you take a bite into the delectable morsel of rich chocolate. And as you savour the spread of the honey over your tongue, the taste lingers on even after you're left licking your stucky fingers, with your mouth craving for more. And the aromatic scent of the honey and all its sweetness permeates the air tickling your senses. Heaven.

But it's not so heavenly when you see the eighing scale tip alarmingly to the right and your heart lurches.

But moving on.

My iBookie is officially a female. Thus is my deduction after a mere 4 months or so with it by my side. The malfunctioning bitch is a true blue female displaying all characteristics off temperamentality, PMS-ing, and an overall unpredictable nature.
In short it is malfunctioning.

It can't shut down properly.
It hangs and closes certain applications suddenly.
The internet connection doesn't work well, especially when I'm using networks outside that dingy institute I am unfortunately receiving an education from (if you even call it an education), in the West. Far west. Far west of an already small and claustaphobia-inducing island I have to call home.
The speakers don't work well, occasionaly giving off crackling noises.
The earphone speakers aren't functionong well either as the left side emits a much fainter sound leading to a very unbalanced effect.
The keyboards don't work too well as when you press ":" the punctuation "." comes out instead and vice versa.

What's wrong with Apple?!?!?!?!?!

Is my iBookie not malfunctioning?
As soon as I find a way to save 8.44Gbs of songs externally, I would have to send the iBookie for the indignities of s strip search ASAP.

-sigh-

Am now trying to contemplate the wisdom if taking 3 days off from work and facing a permanent stop of work, all for the sake of some hall carolling thang. Seriously.
An shockingly falling short of hall points for next academic year where the silly hall point system is still in place.
And for that matter, hall 7 ain't shifting anymore to a spanking new premise.
Which means that I'm gonna have to put up with lots of dust, dirt, and noise from the renovation and deconstruction taking place on the hall 3 site. And lots of chocolate coloured, or rather, midnight coloured people hammering away at the construction sites.
And SAO's rationality in putting us through this night mare simply fails me.
I should think wallowing in self-pity is rather permissable now?
And I have to bear with the dirt and icky state of the room for the next semester. I guess its time to clean now that we ain't gettin out of this human-pen anytime soon.

Is anyone aware of any mac compatible games that they can recomment of *ahem* lend me?
I'm wondering now if there is anyone else who uses a mac.
I'm wondering now if there is anyone who uses a mac or otherwise who even tumbles into the cobwebby and mothball-infested cyber wadrobe here.

And I'm still trying to puzzle out the charms of warcraft.
I should think that I would puzzle about it till I get games of my own on my own laptop to entertain myself.
I think I'm just leaning towards morphing into a creeper plant - too dependent for my own good

[How did Alice feel when she fell into Wonderland?]

Mooching

2005-11-18T18:15:00.000+08:00

mooching...

what's playing::don't think i'm not - kandi::
moodflash:: lazy

Yes yes, the exams are over.
Infact, they have been over since 141105 Monday.
I'm just being a Laggard. (108 anyone??)

Watched "Just Like Heaven" and "Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire" back to back on Wednesday.
And DID YOU KNOW that for new releases you pay 1 buck more per ticket?
I swear I totally didn't know till I walked away and glanced at the receipt.
Whoa man, since when did they implement this practice?
I hence underwent a big revelation of GV's pricing strategies.
Seriously, I think the movie industry should reallly be booming after all their ticket prices have escalated and what's with their new-show-new-cost rule. $9.50 per ticket on weekends? Hell, that's a far cry from the old $7.50 prices. And they complain when people turn to not-so-legal DVDs and exhort the public to respect creativity (with a rather tacky advertisement but that's not the only reason why their lightbulb advets turn me off). Ok, granted, any movie, song, etc etc is someone's wprk of art and a result of (somewhat) effort. But since our pockets are not so well lined, alternative sources are scurried out and pounced upon. Can you blame us? And when I say "you", I mean "you" the layman without the finincial blessings and not "you" the fortunate rich kid driving a Porche with a "L" plate behind.

But that's not the point.

Just like Heaven was simply one of those romantic comedies that ooze "feel-good" factors despite the cliches and predictabilities of the ending and what not. But hey, it's precisely a happily-ever-after ending that plasters a silly grin on movie watchers' faces and makes girlfriends drag unwilling boyfriends to sit through 95 minutes of the show. But honestlt, somebits were freaking funny. And quite touching. And rather thought provoking. You see, elizabeth prioritices her career and devotes all her time and attention on being a doctor so much so that she forgets how to live for herself. And she always thought she had the future to do whatever she wanted to do with it. And then she got into a carcrash and faced the real possibility that she might just fade away and together with her, her future dissisipates. It's rather poignent...
Think about it. There's so many things we want to do, wanted to do and could have done. And there's always the "later" to do it. But what if there is no later? When we finally wake from the dream that is life, do we wake with a sense of bittersweet in our mouths? A bitterness that we did not do what we wanted, that we could no longer do what we wanted to do. Yet a sweetness for the life that we lived. Would it not be better to wake with honey on your lips and the satisfaction that, yes, it was a good dream and there's many more to come sans bitterness?

Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dying" comes to mind.
How true the words of the song is.

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it'

Harry Potter this time around was the best of all four movies.
OMG, the special effects, the total overwhelmingness of it all.
Blew.Me.Away.
Though it still didn;t match up to the book and some focuses and slants were not quite loyal to the book. But with the time constraints, I daresay this is one helluva good flick. And honestly, though he only had a short short screen time, Ralph Fiennes was totally splendid as Voldemort!! I could just drool. Of course he looks disfugures in the movie but certain angles had Ralph Fiennes' features and mien gott... He's damn uber good!! Such a pity he's the baddie in the flick. Now, if only Harry Potter could look a lil like that.
*swoons*
Cho Chang is quite pretty, or rather, her looks kinda grow on you and she has that whole "sweet lil thing" girl-next-door package who's all wholesome and together. She's not that bad looking as lambasted bt HP fans. But I would think Fleur Delacour was like *sweats* damn appealing. And I'm a female. And I AM straight. Acted by Clemence Poesy, she DOES look like a Fleur, only not as icy as the original character. And she's FRENCH!! I should really work on my French. Maybe then I can acquire the same poise and elegance as her. Bah. As if. (but one can always dream)

And I think I need a job. My pockets are wailing from lack of weight in cash. Any recommendations? Tuition?
(And YES I can teach. Pfft)

[boredom kills - just as work kills]

Nonsense At 1.16am

2005-11-13T01:15:00.000+08:00

Nonsense At 1.16 am

what's playing::all my only dreams - the wonders::
moodflash:: nonsensical

On a sad note.
The little fella is gone.
Bye... ... ...
*tearing a little*

On a quirky note.
This is what CS108 teaches you.

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 28k or 56k modems.
5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.
6. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a computer.
7. When your email box shows "no new messages“, you feel really depressed.
8. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
9. There are people with whom you SMS, IM, and/or email a lot but you don’t want to spend time with them in face-to-face.
10. When you go to a new place, you decide to "Netscape" (to see if the Internet is available) before you landscape.
11. Your family always knows where you are.
12. No matter what you do with your computer, you turn on the MSN messenger first (even during the CS108 tutorial in MacLab3).
13. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".
14. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

I wish I am a techie, then I wouldn;t have a headache trying to absorb Phishing, Spyware, Virus, Worm, Streaming, Networks... And tons more to come.

YAKULT YAKULT WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

I should really sleep now.

[studies have shown that studies damages the brain]

Meow

2005-11-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

Meow

what's playing::zhi zu - mayday::
moodflash:: reluctantly heartless

As a result of a very spontaneous whim on thursday (during lunch of all things), we girls decided to go ofor a therapeuthic haircut TOGETHER. Which means that all four of us jesc, laine, shuyun and I traipsed down to JP in search for the said desired haircut.
2.5 hours later.
Mission Accomplished. -bingbingbing-
Laine chopped off all her hair and looked absolutely cute with a short do.
Jesc and I acquired fringes.
Shuyun. Shuyun looked the same. -_-''
It was a whole lot of fun though to do something so on the spur just like that.
It almost felt like the holidays had arrived.
And then I realised.
OH FREAK!!!
108 on Monday.
.
.
.
.
.
HOW ANTICLIMAX IS THAT?!?!

And since I'm so sunk into the holiday mood now, I'm totally turned off by the idea of mugging for the IT module. Bits, Bytes, Byterates, Webcast, Analog, Digital, Phishing, New Media Issues.
AND THAT 1 HR LONG WEBCAST!!!!
Somebody kill me please.
Or at least provide me with popcorn.
I don't feel like watching it.
I HOUR FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!
Sheesh, can't they have a transcript of it?!
Tsk.

Found a wee lil kitten last night on my way back to hall and the fool in me melted and bundled the lil fella up and smuggled it back to hall. Where I promptly and swiftly discovered that I am SO not equipped with the materials nor the skills to take care of the wee fella. And then I was faced with the horrible choice of letting it go or bringing it too the spca. Cindy's straghtforward answer that SPCA would put the fella to sleep if no one adopts it within a few days put me off that idea almost instantly. Of course I was seriously contemplating keeing it, but I'm not sure how to handle it. And as a result, after spending more that 12 hours in the room in my corner mewing and all that away, after feeding it at last, playing with it and giving it another bath, I had no choice but to put the lil fella outside my room.
And I thought my heart would break.
And I think my heart is still breaking.
I think and I know that I am being cruel.
And now I can only beat myself over the head because of it.

I'm sorry.

[heart wenching]

Of Potentially Imploding Brains And Stomach

2005-11-09T22:53:00.000+08:00

Of Potentially Imploding Brains And Stomach

what's playing::夜曲 - jay chou::
moodflash:: tired

There is something seriously wrong with NTU's shuttle bus system. I must RANT to get this out of my system (though heaven knows I haven't ranted enough).
1245 : Left hall
1250 : Waiting at bustop.
1255 : Still waiting at busstop.
1300 : Still waiting at freakin busstop.
1305 : Still waiting at cursed godforsaken busstop.
1210: Still waiting at the freakin cursed godforsaken effing !@#$%^& busstop.
Needless to say, I started to freak about being late and hailed a passing cab.
I took a cab to my exam venue IN my school FROM my school?!?!?
Wtf I ask you WTF?!?!

And. French. Was. And. Still. Is. Horrible.

What kinda of mini composition you have to write in dialogue style asks to write and describe MALASIA? Or to be precise, la Malasie.
And how come there is one whole section devoted to naming French things?!
Like, name 3 French cities, name 3 countries bordering France, 3 French cuisine, 2 French cars, 3 French monuments?!?!?!?!
HUH?!
FRENCH NATIONAL EDUCATION?!
-bangs head-

I in all sincerity think that I am sleep deprived. Either that or my body's self defense mechanism against the horrors o exam papers has kicked in. So for once, I will sleep before 12 once I type this out. I think it was, oh, the stone age when I last went to bed before 12.
The horror papers of 102 , 111 and French are finally finally over. And I'm so no looking forward to results judging by the kind of things I wrote in the papers.

Eg01: (For 101) When I was a child, my parents told me I was intelligent. So I thought I was intelligent and worked hard hence achieving good grades. This affirmed my conviction that I was intelligent.
Eg02: (ditto 101) When I was a child, my parents told me I was an obedient child. Hence, I believed I was obedient and this inculcated in me values of filial piety and instilled in me the characteristic of giving my parents the respect due to them.

Kill me please.
I don't think it was the best I could write.
Please tell me how my brains degenerated to this extend.

And I swear the exams have only served to put me on a binging spree.
In less than a week, I have finished nearly 2 packs of Yakult. Yes I do love them but I guess one has to draw a line somewhere.

BUT WHERE'S THE LINE?!?!

My parents went to NZ today to be with my brother and to take a rather well deserved holiday.
Sigh.
*warbles* All by myself... Don't wanna be... All by myself... *still warbling*
Oops, a lizard fell off the wall, it looks petrified by the singing or dare i say , noise.

Seriously.
Though I don't go back often, it now seems that I'm pretty much on my own here.
:[

I swear, these days has made my mood utterly erratic, what with the exams and the panics.
I think I have been a holy terror to people around me.
And to fellow panickers in lainie, shuyun , jessie... I;m glad we could at least panic together.
Haven't you heard? Misery (in this case - panic) loves company.
But think, after our exams, we can kick start out post-exams activities into action!!!
DVD marathon here I come...
-gleeful-
Exams end on Monday.
Can't wait.
And I should really sleep now.
And goodnizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

[When you juice your brain to find it dry, you know you're in trouble.]

Void

2005-10-28T01:29:00.000+08:00

Void
what's playing:: goodbye my lover - james blunt::
moodflash:: numb

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

How can you turn from me?

What am i supposed to feel?

[Please don't tell me everything's wonderful now.]

2005-10-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

Rainy Days And Tuesdays

what's playing::i really want you - james blunt::
moodflash:: blah

This is really becoming a routine. Come back , shower , bum around , try to study.
See the flow?
One thing for sure.
I have no life. And that really sucks.
Which sucks more?
That I have no life? Or that I realise I have no life.

The rain was pattering down with raindrops as big as hailstones making such a melodious din, casting a rather hypnotic effect on me.
I wanted to sleep.
I still want to sleep.
I will always want to sleep.
It's so cold that if I shut my eyes I can imagine that I am blissfully in a place like Australia in the springtime. With the smell of eucalyptus, damp earth, flowers and just crisp cold air without a trace of humidity. And then I open my eyes to face the drudgery I always face. Again and again.
Its time like this when one lets one's mind wonder to cast up visions of a fireplace in a cosy hut, with snow falling outside. Where one would feel safe, comforted and secure. Imagine. Dancing flames casting soft light all over the room, filling it with a kind of glow you always desired would feel your soul. Wooden table to do your work at, and someone near and dear reclining on a bed of plush pillows on the floor. Strains of music playing. And heart bursts with the feeling that nothing could break you down.
And then you jolt back to reality facing your sheets and stacks of untouched readings and realise that your dreams are all there is to it - dreams.

So many readings so little time.
So much to understand so little brain space.
So many thoughts so little outlets.
So many dreams too much reality.

If computers can be upgraded to improve their memory space, why can't the same be done for humans?

Nat's "Degree of shit" theory

1] When your French teacher tells you that you have skipped too many lessons and you realise you don't know how to form a sentense structure, you know you are in shit.

2] When your lecturer tells you that he aims to be as unpredictable in the examinations as possible, and you still haven't touched the required readings, you know you are in deep shit.

3] When you realise that general electives actually count towards your final total grade and if you fail you would drag down your GPA even further, you know that you are in even deeper shit.

4] When you cannot understand spoken french and your oral test is 1 day away, you know that you are in a deep lake of shit.

5] When you realise that you do not understand what your IT lecturer says as he gives tipps on the exams and you are certified IT-illiterate, you know you are in a deep sea of shit.

6] When you realise that your exams are 12 days away and you still know next to nothing, you know you are in a deep ocean of shit.

So who will be a good samaritarian and fish me out and clean me up and tell me that I don't stink any longer?

Shall just try to study now.
Try.

[scatterbrain - when you scatter your brain around]

2005-10-24T22:18:00.000+08:00

108 - I'm Lovin' Itwhat's playing::trouble - coldplay::
moodflash:: drained

Yes, I am well aware that I should really be hitting the books but for some strange reason, doing a little rant here is rather cathartic. Much like bawling your eyes out when watching Armageddon. Well, something like that anyway.

I feel like my energy has been pickled slowly in vinegar after 8 or so hours of sitting in front of the computer plowing away at the 108 project. Spent hours editing the video and then more on trying to compress the stupid thing to no avail. So we try and try and try and at the same time try my already stretched to the limit patience. I dun get it. A 4 min video simply would not be compressed to below 10mb until we compromised severly with quality of sound and visuals. And when I finally saw it on my laptop, it showed a 14 min long video with our video only taking up 4 plus mins of it. The rest was black screen. We were compressing black screen? Gawd i felt like being a hulk and throwing the damned computer out of the window. But alas, a 3 storey high building ain't good enough. 20 would be the least to satisfy me. In any case, the dratted video just would NOT load after ages of trying and we finally gave up at 8. That's near 8 hours dedicated to the project. Time I could have better spent on something else.

I'm not exactly very proud of my temper and impatience.
I know it's a shortcoming.
Yet sometimes, I can't help it.
I should rein it in a little more.
I don't even endear myself to me.

Im more and more aware of the unpleasant truth that I'm rather incompetent at whatever I am doing. Be it at IT or at French. This is so trying. So many gifted people out there, why can't I be like them? After putting my brains into a blender I'm quite sure there wouldn;t even be enough brain juice to match an ant's intelligence.

Sinking into a bleak mood NOT conducive for studying.

Just to sidetrack, since most of us find instant coffee too weak to sustain our keeping awake, how about putting two sachets into just one glass? Logically speaking , that should make a stronger "brew".

And since Twisties are "baked" , they are a perfectly legitimate snack.
So are chocolates - good for your heart. (Heaven knows I need a heart.)

Looked into the mirror
Saw a reflection
A girl I could not recognise
A girl that was me
A girl with shiny fear-filled eyes
Yet with the texture of agates

[Whining. Stop. Now.]

2005-10-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

The Yakult Addiction

what's playing::aurora - angela zhang::
moodflash:: off-tangent

With the exams coming up and an inevitable building up of potential stress in the near distance (what an oxymoron) , I realise that I have become more of a pig than usual. I mean, eating in itself is perfectly fine. Excessive eating just because your mouth itches and craves for various morsels of food (big morsels of food) is quite a different thing altogether. I swear, my body is going on a mission of rebellion. Ive been craving green chilli. Green chilli I tell you. So much so that I attempted to eat green chilli with chicken chop. Talk about fusion. But somehow, the taste was rather good. Imagine. Tanginess of black pepper tickling your tastebuds as the smooth chicken bit is masticated by appreciative molars. And the introduction of an unusual exotic taste of sour and spicy all rolled into one melting in your mouth, merging and mixing with the other juices. Ah... What a novel experience.

In any case, I'm quite a big fan of yakult as most people know. Despite it's laxative effect, it's draw never fails to get me hooked. What could be better than the sharp taste of yakult to freshen you up? Haha. I tell you, it's way way way better than that beverage called Vitagen . That one has too thick a texture with an unpleasant aftertaste. Almost as if a mouse had shed it's coat of fur over your tongue (if mice even shed fur). While 2 bottles a day is NOT advisable, it seems that I fall prey to Yakult's seductive charm and just gulp them down, looking regretfully at the empty bottles when I'm done. Yakult - the new intoxicating drink.

Not to mention Super Rings. That super unhealthy packet filled with all the (un)goodness you could want. Yet strangely appealing. But for the sake of attempting to starve off the accelerating decline my health is spinning towards, I shall refrain. (And also to ward of disapproving and faintly accusing stares I get *cough* when I consume of buy them since I have the habit of polishing off more packets than wise at one go.)

At least the tagline of Yakult is " The Healthy Family Drink ".
Healthy. HAH! I'm justified in drinking it then.

Now will somebody tell me why I have devoted a good portion of my time to typing out an entire post on my eating habits? I have no idea. I'm merely trying to digress from the load of studying I am loath to start on.

But since this weekend ended rather great, I shall look forward and attempt to get started with what I am supposed to do.

[The ways of digression - a momentary respite from what is to come]

It's Been A Long Time Coming

2005-10-14T12:54:00.000+08:00

It's Been A Long Time Coming

what's playing::垃圾車 - 五月天 ::
moodflash:: happy

Yes you can stop rubbing your eyeballs out, you saw right. I am listening to chinese music. Wahaha!! What's wrong with that? Though I confess that I don't really understand everything. Hahaha.. It's a new-found liking. The effect of being academically imprisoned in the school of the West. Come to think of it, chinese songs are quite nice, some of them. Ok Jesc, you can stop smirking now.

It was quite a happy day yeaterday all thanks to my dearies!!! Haha.. Gosh, it's been ages since I had that much kooky fun and just heck cared about anything. Went down to Holland V at night for supper to celebrate blur shuyun's bdae belatedly with jesc and lainie. Hahaha.. The trip down was like "..." I have a distinct feeling that the other commuters were taken aback and a lil unnerved by our noise and antics at that time of the day. Hyperactivity at 1045? And more to come. Hahaha!! The time where everyone else was drained and all quiet.
From the journey down itself to walking around HV looking for food and later to the supermarket, it was highly entertaining. Thank you dearies for making it a very enjoyable night!! I'm super glad to have met and known you guys in sci. It's rather redeeming.

It's a lil odd innit? Finding a bunch of friends in uni who are would give all the kookiness you would need. I never thought I could find people I could talk to on the same wavelength and have similar (wierd!! haha) simmilarities. But I did. And I'm glad for it. Thanks babes "shorties" laine and shuyun and "chio bu" jesc for yesterday and everything. Hope you guys had as much fun as I did or more. And also babes like cindy and marilyn. It HAS been a long time coming.

On a more sober note, EXAMS ARE COMING UP!!!!!!!!
*panics*
I hate this.
I haven't started my 102 yet and there's one pile of readings to plow through.
For that matter I haven't started any other module yet.
*RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
Kill me man.

[i need motivation - outside and within]

Booinggg...Booinggg...

2005-10-07T23:51:00.000+08:00

Boooinggg...Boooinggg...

what's playing::run to me - beegees::
moodflash::bouncy

I realise that acting never was, never is, and never will be my calling in life.
It was utterly hilarious what we had to do for out filming today, for the 108 project.
I swear, more than 3 hours of filming and preparation for a 2-3 minutes long video seems way way way too much time invested. I mean, it's quite funny how much time and effort we spend on a film that will be a momentary feature.
While it was tiring, with the occasional NGs (especially on my part for I can't help but be conscious of the camera glued to me) and re-takes of various frames when they were not up to sketch.
I swear, while it is tiring , it was pretty much fun.
At least we wrapped up everything in one day and it was all thanks to everyone's hard work.
The result is a cheesy video but it's OUR video nevertheless.

I realise there's many aspects of my bookie which I have not explored. And today I just completed my first satisfying "home project" on making a lil video photo slide clip thingie in quicktime format. Mwahahaha!! While it looks really amateur , it's the first time I did something like this!! I hope he likes it... All thanks to iMovie and iPhoto.

I WANT A DIGITAL CAMERA!!!
*RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH*

Okie...

I'm feeling ridiculously hyper now. Anticipation?!
I'm going out (finally!!) tomorrow!! And I can't wait!!
After one whole week of "withdrawal", I'm finally getting my fix.
I shall not disintegrate to mush..
*wiggles in delight*

Peanut-butter cookies are nice...
Seaweed is delightful...
Yakult is heavenly...
Delifrance crouquettes are scrumptious...
Seaweed peanuts are addictive...
etc
etc
etc
But when all is taken together,
Alas!! The stomach suffers.
I swear , staying in hall has officially turned me into a full fledged pig (if I wasn't already one beforehand).

*groans in sufferance*
Musssst.... stoooop... eatttiiiinggg annndd ...ugh... sleepiiingggg....

I'm boooored!!!
*roar*
Entertain me!!!!!

[randomness - the way of life]

The Sane

2005-10-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

The Sane

what's playing::wordplay - jason mraz::
moodflash::tired

First up, happy birthday to JESSIE!!!
Many happy returns babe... (I wonder if "returns" means "presents"?)
Hope you enjoy yourself.
I think you already did right? And with people like us milling wround you, I'm sure enjoyment is a given... Mwahaha!!

I was at the interchange today waiting for 179 again (and dreading the appointment of a potentially maniac driver as 179 drivers are wont to be). And then I realised that a man rather shabbily dressed in just painfully thin white shirt and shorts sat down in the bus bay. When I say IN the bus bay, I mean literally in the path of oncoming buses. The first thought that flashed through my mind was that this man's actions gave a whole new meaning to "stepping in front of a bus". And then I realised that perhaps he was a little touched in the head. For the man was lolling about as he sat crossed legged on the bus bay road. Reminding me a little of the rollypolly aka pu dao wung that rolls about. He didn't look suicidal, in fact, he looked rather contented just sitting ther despite the fact that there was the bus 240 directly BEHIND him waiting for him to bidge. For a moment, the 240 driver looked disconcerted. Then a man in the front of the 179 queue ran over to try to pull the not so sane man back to safety to the waiting area. The not so sane man ambled out again after a moment of staying put. The good samaritarian put his groceries neatly to one side of the queue and ran over again to pull the man back to safety and this time, staying put with him to ensure that the man does not happily amble out again. The good samaritarian missed the 179 he was waiting for.

As I stood there waiting, thoughts flashed through my mind. For some reason , I felt a sense of shame and guilt , after the initial curiosity. Shame that I merely played the role of kaypoh apathetic bystander when the man could have been injured if not fir the good samaritarian. Shame that I lacked the initiative to do the right thing by moral standards. And most of all, shame that someone else did do it at his own expense while all i did was to stand there watching , mind curiously detached from the minor incident.

National education obviously failed in my case.

I'm such a ditz I can't believe it.
Went to the toilet with wallet.
Came out of the toilet sans wallet.
Panicked halfway up the hill.
Luckily the wallet was still there.
One day I will leave my brains (or what's left of it) somewhere and walk out.
Sans brain.

I'm so unbelievably tired and my back is aching.
Gawd I feel old.

[punchline - the line to punch]

Of The Self

2005-10-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

Of The Self

what's playing::all that i need - corrinne may::
moodflash:: pensive

It's raining torrentially.
Raining cats and dogs.
Just a thought, where did THAT term come from? Cats and Dogs? I'm wondering if, by some freak of nature, it really raining cats and dogs from the high heavens one day hence starting that catchphrase. If I had witnessed that, I would think that all hell broke loose in heaven's petshop,and the cats and dogs went on strike, throwing off their halos and skydiving down to earth. If I was at that scene, I sure as hell hope that the cats and (more importantly) dogs, were pedigrees. That would make me a fortune and would literally be a "heavensent"
Overwhelming sense of despondency threatens to drag me under with it's strong currents,so strong that I wonder if Current worked out often in an underwater gym just for the sole purpose of pulling me under.
(Maybe to work out with him since, not only does misery love company, I'm sorely in need of exercise.)
I'm not making sense but again, if one has to make sense all the time, where is the spark of life? When all is bleak , the least one can do is to keep one's head on one's shoulder, even if the mush inside the head isn't as well as it ought to be.
Arrogance.
I can almost feel the crack of the salted whip on the bare shoulders of my soul. The wincing at that all too familiar condemnation and the shrinking of the already shrinking egoism. If the soul seems frail, it pleads understanding. It has to take a considerable amount of time to hobble to the soul's specialist and seek a MC (Merciful Consolation) and take time out to find it's footing.
Nonsense aside.
I simply cannot understand how you can arrive at the conviction and hurl the criticism at me. I'm rather amazed at your perceptive capabilities and inference skills. Barely 3 months into a brand new school term when we were literally stangers (strange people) and you can already superglue that tag on me. I should take a lesson or two from you. This is seriously tiring and wearying for me. I'm quite tired of the nibbles and bites you enjoy taking out of my defense. Honestly, the first impulse I had was to just find out who you are and bash your face in, giving you a physical rearrangement of your features since I can do nothing to your decaying soul which needs an extreme makeover. But I shall not debase myself. And I am no longer interested in going all out to change what you think of me. You can think and speak as you deem fit. But know that in my eyes, you're baser than dirt not even fit to come into contact with the very soles of my shoes.
You disgust me.
And I disgust myself even further by the way I'm letting this affect me.

Have you wondered where the word "masterpiece" comes from? I rather think that one day , a master (at what,I'm clueless) came up with a "piece"(of what, I'm still clueless), hence, voila! Masterpiece. Maybe that's where the educational level of studying for Master's come from. Cuz since they have to write a thesis piece at the end to earn their "Masters" tag, they are, effectively creating a Masterpiece. Geddit?
Nevermind. Sometime I confuse myself.

[Condemnation-I cast thee aside]

when you go under...

2005-09-28T23:15:00.000+08:00

When You Go Under...
what's playing::unwell - matchbox 20::
moodflash::lousy

What do you do when you feel that the shit keep dropping in one by one , very much like unwelcome guests into your already confusing mental state? And the insistent shit keeps on piling and piling and piling till you're (not quite literally) full of the shit. What happens then?
This is ridiculous.
This week is supposed to be week02 of "nat be happy" week. I'm not supposed to let crap pour all over me. Or rather , Im'm not supposed to let myself be affected by the crap that pours all over me.
It stinks. (Pun not intended)
The positive note i can think of is that when so much shit has hit you , things just CAN'T get any worse. God in heaven wouldn't be so cruel. He couldn't. He can't.
It's nonsensical. People out there have larger problems than me. People out there have much more serious crap poured all over them. Perhaps compared to them , mine is just the regular trip to the toilet rather than diarrhoea. But for now , I can't help myself. Let me be selfish and wallow in this little pool of shit. Tomorrow, or soon, I will pull myself out of the shithole, take a cleanup and move on. What else is there to be done?
Tomorrow. I will. I must.

[being a doormat - no fun at all...]

Issue of Virginity

2005-09-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

Issue Of Virginity
what's spinning::all i need to know - aaron neville::
moodflash::hyperhyperhyper::

Virgin post? Or rather , a re-virginization of a blog post. Hm.. That vaguely reminds me of females who undergo hymen re-construction surgeries to re-virginise themselves.
Ouch.
Ok , that's so one path of topic that I'm so not going to venture into now. Thinking of it makes me cringe...
Due to the constant exhortation of my adoring beloveds of shuyun and jessie (and countless others who have unspoken undying love for me) I decided to open the great Nat up to public scrutiny once again. I hope this does not bring in an influx on adoring fanmail. Schoolwork is enough to kill as it is.
:D
Sometimes delusions are good for the ego , no?
Think about it , instead of ispending good money on "Chicken Soup For The Soul" , one can pretty much do the same good to the same soul by indulging in a little constructive lying to one self.
Maybe this blog should be re-named : Nat's Blog For The Ego.

[praise me]

ahem

2005-09-26T17:59:00.000+08:00

test test